And in between …The silence

I don’t know if I was born with a gift.Is it a gift not to notice the gender or the sex of a person?  If it indeed can be considered a gift, then I have it. Somehow, I have always known I’m not the only one with such a gift but I thought that it should remain in silence. At the time, it seemed so.

I reached the age of seventeen.  I had to speak up about that part of myself regardless of the consequences.  Not to speak about it felt like trying to hide the true tan of my skin, the color of my eyes or any other inborn feature. I decided to do it. To come out as a person of bisexual orientation because I got familiar with the term while surfing online.I recognized myself in it.

First I decided to come out to my family, and then to close friends although I though they already knew about it somehow.

It was an early spring afternoon, and my mother and me were walking down the street. I was looking for an opportunity to start the conversation with her. We were always pretty open to each other soit wasn’t a difficult step to make. After a few moments, two girls holding hands passed by.

My mother paid little attention to them and went back to her thoughts.

I interrupted her thinking:

“Have you seen how beautiful the jackets of those two girls are?”

She replied as if she had just awoken:“Yes, good for the raining season.”

“Have you noticed their hands?,” I asked quietly.

“Yes and I can’t see anything wrong with their hands.”

“She was holding her hand as if she was a boy.”

“So what?,” she said, mildly bored.

Then I said it. I told her about that part of myself. I told her that my sexual orientation is bisexual.

It seemed she had been expecting me to say I was a lesbian. I saw the confusion in her eyes.

In the next few moths the phrases she used when referring to the topic were mostly:  “You’ll have to decide” or “You can’t live that way because you are going to catch some disease.”

I tried. I really tried to decide.  For a few months I tried to convince myself I’m gay, and for the next few that I’m straight. I felt emotionally torn apart.It felt like trying to breathe through the nose with your mouth blocked and viceversa.

That’s how I lived for a year and half.

Then one morning over breakfast, I told her, with a deep helpless note in my voice: “Mom, you know it’s impossible. You know it’s impossible to choose.”

Her head bent, she replied: “I know.”  There was a silence between us at first, and then we hugged.

I can still remember her words: “You aren’t made to fit into boxes and standards. If you try to fit in, you are going to suffer. If you don’t try, you are going to suffer the same. Better be who you are and suffer than pretend and suffer because that way, you would pay a double price.”

I finally felt my mind fixed and as strong as one can be. I had her support.

As for the guys I dated at that time, their reactions were mostly: “You are so cool,” accompanied by a gleam in their eyes that said: “Let endless perversion begin.”

So, there would be no second date and that would mostly be it.

Maybe it wasn’t just the look in their eyes after all.

And as for the girls…. The girls I dated back then were mostly: “Guys are the real thing and this between us is just… sorry, but it’s just JERKING OFF.”

I was twenty-one when I met the girl and felt energy that made my head spin and my blood boil for the first time.  Later on, I met a few persons fora couple of times that made me feel the same way.  I say ‘persons’ because that is all I saw.

I started to travel a little more.I got to know people similar to me and they introduced me to the so-called LGBT scene and community.

I stepped into that world with a childish vision of the struggle for equality common to all of us who are different. Those were days of true happiness but as I got deeper into it all,  I could notice some strange silence in between my statement of bisexuality and their reactions.  And the reactions were:“Don’t worry, aren’t we all,” or just the eyes rolling in what seemed as: “Poor little thing, she seems so confused.”  I was mostly in the company of my friends who in such situations usually interrupted the conversation or dragged me away.

I interpreted that as an attempt to protect me from further, possibly negative, development of the situation.

It wasn’t always like that, of course. I remember some mild smiles then smart looks. But still that strange silence in between… We need to break it.

I still believe in LGBT, with all the letters visible. I still believe in LGBT without that silence in BETWEEN.

Radica Hura

3 most commont myth about bisexual coming out. CDoE_ljW8AAo8Sn

Advertisements

The limitation

 

Why can’t our soul wandering around?

Why we do need the limitation?

 

Sheep and shepherds. Why do we play?

Leaders and dumps.  Why do we need?

 

Group of strange people say:

Left or right.

Masses are just following them as they can’t think with their own

 

minds.

They think for you. When to move. When to stop.

Limitation they can put to everyone but to themselves

For them anything has no end.

 

No matter good or bad.

Whatever they say.

One must obey.

How come they are making it?

To think for everyone?

 

One can ran but hardly escapes.

The limitation always stays.

 

 

1226047864UGqNtO

 

 

 

 

Good Bi, Bad Bi

How many times have you heard :

,,I have nothing against you being Bi as long as you act normally.” I have to admit I have heard many times. As person of different sexuality then heterosexual , your behavior a sexual and dating  history will always be under the fully opened eye of patriarchy.

In order to be good bisexual person under patriarchy (If you are in miraculously managed to come out) one must act in certain way:

 

  1. True feelings only It is not allowed to show any kind of confusion in relationships with persons. Bisexual person has to always be aware of the feelings towards certain person and have to go around showing everyone how those feeling are real. 
  2. Cisgender is better  Being bisexual and of different gender identity then cisgender is confusing for patriarchy. It’s not allowed to confuse good and accepting patriarchal people.
  3. Monogamy, just monogamy Bisexual persons should never try other relationships form then monogamy. Being in polyamors relationships is simply not desirable for bisexual persons. Aren’t we fighting prejudices? We aren’t cheaters, freaks or perverts. Settle down and get married (or just settle down if you have no that legal option to marry the partner of the same-sex.)
  4. No rich sexual history (Specially for women) Couple of partners of different and same sex/gender is welcomed by our  patriarchal allies but anything above that number is just too much. Bisexual people aren’t promiscuous.
  5. The real bisexual Don’t you dare to do anything that would make people doubt in your bisexuality. Always prove how you have been in relationships with people of different and the same gender/sex.  That’s the real bisexuality, everything else is a lie.

If you have fulfilled all those above written conditions, then you will get THE GOOD BISEXUAL CERTIFICATE.

There is no good or bad bisexuals. There are only good and bad people. Not acting like anything above still doesn’t make you a bad person.

Good Bi, Bad Bi . You are still Bi. Patriarchy doesn’t define us. We do. Happy Bi visibility Day. We have a lot to celebrate.

 

 

 

L’invitation

 

Je te chercherais par tout, chanque jour , sans succès.

Je commence à croire que tu m’as rejectè.

Comme je n’étais pas si forte.

Perdu, je me sentais.

Quand, soudain, j’ai entendu bruits et sons du vent.

Bruit de la pluie, bruit de la tempête .

Bruits que disaisent : ,,Je t’aime.’’

Ton invitation , J’ai accepté.

 

Dans le noir .

Dans le noir.

Il faut plonger.

Dans l’ obscurité primitivé et belle.

Tu es, là , cachèe

 

Tes ténèbres sont délicieuses, tes ténèbres sont heureuses.

Dans tes ténèbres nous sommes tous incorrigibles et satisfaits.

Dans tes ténèbres brille la lumière.

La lumière que m’a emmené loin.

Plus loin que dans mes rêves.

 

golden-lights-bokeh-texture-photo-overlay-free-60.jpg

Other political poem

Other political poem

Standing in the corridors.
For the bottle of scotch and lines of coke.
Standing and trading.
With themselves , with ourselves.
Ohh, that sweet yellow nectar and the silver dust.
For their pleasure not for treasure.
Kiss and hail.
Lower lower and then back.
People from the foyers.
Can you feel those shoe soles on you?
While you are yelling: ,,Freedom!.’’
Can you feel them?
Can you smell them?
1456145753-2

Bi Pride in Tel Aviv; Quick Account of History

Mile bi Mile

14456763_1392966194051668_908621670_o “I am not Schrodinger’s cat. I’m not gay when you see me with a woman and I’m not straight when I’m dating a man. I am BISEXUAL and I don’t need you in order to define myself” – Photo by Theresa Leheman

Bi Visibility Day is one of the busiest days of the year for bisexual activists all over the world. For bisexuals in Tel Aviv it was not only a busy day, it was a historical one.

On September 23, Tel Aviv had its first Bisexual Pride Parade, making it one of only two cities worldwide to do so.

Organized by the Bi/Pan/Poly Forum, a group founded by around 18 activists and which recently agreed to join the Israeli National LGBT Task Force, the event began as a parade on some main roads in Tel Aviv and ended in Gan-Mei’r were bisexuals and their allies gathered for speeches by…

View original post 301 more words

Two candles

 

 

Eyes are closed.

 The flames of two candles are the only light.

The light of the future.

A prophet.

Guided.

A curse or might .

Candles are now eyes.

Burning.

Green, red and white.

Silence!

The prophet’s speaking:

,,There’s and there shell be green, red and white.”

,, Blue’ll rule sometimes. Fully never!”

,,Green’s there and cause of the green the soil’ll be covered red.”

,,White’s who we are. Inside.”

,,   Red will cover white. ”

,,Only green. That’s our food, that’s our dream. Freedom and love as well.”

,,Green’s here to stay.”

,, We must obey!”

,, The ruling of the green won’t come soon to an end.”

Candles are now extinguished.

The eyes of the prophet are opened again.

Now the prophet is just man.

The prophet burned out in flames.

weeping-rose-candle-2

Photo credits: Glow/ www.glow.co.uk